COUPLES THERAPY
COUPLES THERAPY
A large part of my therapy practice involves the rewarding work of helping couples struggling with many different types of problems and issues that are often very difficult for them to work through on their own. I provide a safe place to listen to each other, feel heard, understood, respected and valued. A place to explore their shock, pain, anger, grief and loss together, and work toward relational repair, recovery and integrity. My work with couples is active and directive.
I provide psycho-education on sex addiction, partner trauma, abandonment and attachment issues and relational healing. I teach skills and provide tools to help couples manage conflict, enhance empathy and communicate respectfully. Sex addicts need to understand, validate and deeply empathize with their partner’s past and present pain.
When working with sex addicts and their partners, I focus on developing safety, empathy, accountability, transparency and intimacy. Initially in couples therapy my focus is on stabilization,
managing emotional intensity and developing boundaries. I also work on plans for triggers, relapse prevention and disclosure.
Couples must develop new coping strategies, and learn to manage the profound anger, feelings of loss and shame, hopelessness and helplessness in order to heal from the relational trauma. Recovering from relational trauma involves making meaning of the trauma, developing empathy, creating trust, safety and secure attachment. Relational repair is scary for couples, it means being vulnerable with one another and open to more pain. Couples need to be able to accept that there will be triggers and significant anniversaries that will stir up memories.
Sex addicts and their partners each need their own strong recovery program and supports. Healthy recovery promotes confidence, trust in self and others and the ability to develop secure attachments. When they each bring their individual recovery to the relationship, there is the possibility of building a new, better and stronger relationship. I focus on strengthening the relationship and moving forward.
Couples need to learn how to grieve the lost opportunities, time, connection and the loss of the anticipated future. Grieving and acceptance of what was lost in the relationship with the intimate betrayal is necessary, whether they seek to remain together or not.
